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Transcriber's note: This part gets pretty rough. Please refer to the content warning, and you may want to skip this section. McElroy Facebook Groups Recent blog posts. Episodes Community Back. Explore Wikis Community Central. Register Don't have an ? Edit source History Talk 0. Griffin: "How do I tell my mom dad friends etc. I have a huge problem. I'm 13 and furry.
My girlfriend is. Also, 13 and furry. But, I told my mom about it and she told me that furry fandom is one of the," quote, "'most disgusting and horrific things she has ever heard,'" end-quote. Now, though, I don't know what to do. Please help. He's just furry like he's going through puberty, starting to get hair in weird places, and that's normal, but it happens to the best of us… Um, furry— Griffin: Well… Travis: Um, I'm— I'm almost certain he means that he wants to dress up like a racoon and bone down.
Griffin: Here's what's troubling— Justin: …Wait, what? Travis: Yeah, I'm— I'm almost positive that's— that's what the "furry" means. Travis: No, not— not like [cross talk]Justin. Griffin: I feel like we covered this on last week's show, that animals are fucking sexyyo? They're getting sexier every year!
Um, and he's just trying to capitalize on that movement by, y'know, dressing himself in furs and pelts, and just— Justin: Yeah, and get— like, trying to capture that sex wave, you mean, before it passes all of us by? Griffin: If I were to give fuck yeah furries this kid some real advice which I'm not, because yuck! Justin: Yeah… Right… Yeah. Is this about a trend for you, or— Hey, by the way, uh, your girl— The odds against you, being a thirteen-year-old person who likes to dress like a raccoon and have sex, meeting and falling in love with a person, and then discovering that they, too, enjoy that s— Griffin: Oh, yeah.
Justin: It doesn't happen. Griffin: Fucking astronomical. Justin: Also? Marry her. Travis: He— He met her on, uh— on a furry website, and they hooked up on the 'fur-ums. Griffin: [exhales] Don't! Travis: Like— Justin: What? Travis: But— Like forums— Griffin: Just, don't. Don't don't don't. Don't don't. Don't don't don't don't. Don't don't don't don't! Justin: No, wait. Travis: Like forums, but with fur. Like, 'fur-ums. Travis: Yeah. Justin: Fuck yeah furries like it. Travis: Thank you! Justin: I'm gonna start calling ours that. Travis: I've been working on that for a week and a half!
Justin: [chuckles] 'Fur-ums! Horrendous Talk About Furries [ ] Griffin: Have you guys— Eh… Whenever I read a question like this that has anything to do with the furry community, um— It— I think that I'm an incredibly, like, open minded person. Justin: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Griffin: Like, y'know, I'm color-blind, I'm age-blind, I'm gender-blind. Like, I don't know, my patience wears kind of thin with furries! Like, I— I'm not one to hate on any particular group of people because of whatever sexual stuff they're into, um, and I'll, like, defend those people and their right to do that, but I just don't have that for furries!
Justin: What— The thing is, what you are seeing right now is, like, this— The— Furries— The most valuable service that furry [ sic ] provides us is they let you see inside the head of, like, a conservative republican minister, and, like, the way he feels about pretty much everybody outside of his immediate family is the way that you feel about fur— furries.
So, like— And Furbies! Travis: I think this falls under, uh, a game I like to play, called "Daddy, how did you meet mommy? Justin: It's all about racoons, yeah. I think it's because you don't see racoons a lot in your day-to-day, so you don't have a lot of personal connection to them, but— So they're, like, exotic and sexy? But— Griffin: Yeah. Let me— Let me ask you guys— Travis: "I looked across the room and saw the sexiest marmot I've ever seen! Alright, in— In thirty years— Justin: Okay.
Griffin: After the furry civil rights movement, am— a— [sighs] I mean, am I gonna be, like the bigot of history? Justin: Like, the back against the wall? Like, "I'm sorry, I don't care how far society has come, I refuse to recognize the rights of furries! Justin: I would— Griffin: There is zero percent chance of me ever, ever, ever being cool with this! How— [laughing] How does that taste?! What's up?! I'm raising the stakes on our comedy program, to endorse the castration of human beings! Griffin: Okay, let's go— Get— Travis: Get on it, politicians!
Griffin: Let's get deeper in— Let's inception what you just said. Is that— Is that, um, a punative measure? Or is that more of a population control— Like, you don't want them spread— passing the furry gene that— that aberration onto their— their children. Justin: [laughs, then stops] It is absolutely both. It— It— It works both ways.
Griffin: Okay, now let's keep— One more level. Justin: Okay. Griffin: Um, fuck yeah furries two people dressed as racoons fuck, what are the odds that they'll give birth to a racoon? Justin: Oh my god… What— This is the kind of future that I'm protecting you and yours against? Uh, my bigger fear is— is, like, a half man, half racoon. The 'mancoon,' if you will.
Uh, that— That's really terrifying. And that— And it's totally possible! Ask any scientist! My wife's a doctor, I'll ask her! Those big rings around his eyes? Justin: Had to come from somewhere! What's up, Mancoon Buscemi?!
I— Castrated, also… Sorry. Um, the— I would— Here's a— Here's a bigger question, you get into the problem of logistics.
Uh, what's the most efficient way to do it? I would suggest that all, uh— all furry costumes would come— like, legally, would have to come with a small patch of genital burning cream, that when— uh, when you put the costume on, it would just singe them away like, uh— like a hair that got too close to a campfire. That's what I would— That's what I would like to see happen. Griffin: Final question on this subject: Do you think furries watch Space Jam and just jerk it so right? Justin: [laughs] Just get that good, clean jerk going— Uh, probably, yes.
Griffin: A lot of anthropomorphic animals in that one. Justin: Problematically, though, there's also a lot of sports, which they are not big on, I've heard. Travis: Nope.
Griffin: You don't know that! Travis: Well, unless there are mascots. Justin: Yeah. They like that. They don't see why the basketball has to keep interrupting the halftime show made just for them. You know what else— You know what else they can't watch? Banana splits. They love that jam. I saw— I saw— Travis: [Unintelligible] is really disturbing for them. I saw— I saw a local furry get so sexually crazed, that he, uh, pushed Beeper down to the ground and just had his way with him. Griffin: [laughs] Just got on him, which is weird, because Beeper's not an animal by any— by any— Justin: He's an anthropomorphized nightmares [ sic ].
That's something. It's a furry costume. Those people don't care, they'll eff anything! Griffin: They just want something with fur. Justin: They just want something with fur. Griffin: Don't— Don't let them near a shag carpet, because they'll just work it. Justin: Watch your— Watch your fuck yeah furries, Tom Selleck.
Unintelligible Add category. Cancel Save. Universal Conquest Wiki. I think that dad's reaction was like, "Hey son, this isn't my jam, but…" I think your mother really went overboard with her reaction to this news. I don't understand what all the hubbub is about. He's just furry like he's going through puberty, starting to get hair in weird places, and that's normal, but it happens to the best of us… Um, furry—.
I feel like we covered this on last week's show, that animals are fucking sexyyo? Um, and he's just trying to capitalize on that movement by, y'know, dressing himself in furs and pelts, and just—. If I were to give this— this kid some real advice which I'm not, because yuck!
Yeah… Right… Yeah.Fuck yeah furries
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Episode The Quickening/Transcript/Question3